A day of delight
I am so marvelously happy after a day of splendid work calls. Splendid because I got results, got good feedback, and each call had folks who valued my opinion. And, treated me with respect and mutual admiration as an equal. It’s so strange. I shouldn’t tie my self-worth to other peoples’ opinions, I know. I know. But, I feel so deeply delighted, knowing that I’m not a figment of my own imagination. That I’m real, and I matter. What a strange thought to think too isn’t it? But, God damn. I am proud of myself and the person I’ve become.
Humility has its perks.
Such as you don’t need to prove anything, and you can be entertained watching other people have a pissing contest of egos. You don’t have to elaborate on why you’re not doing this or that. You’re vague in ways, and deeply comfortable in your own skin.
The evolution of my priorities
I had a very interesting call today, where Sam* asked me what drew me to the Summer of Protocols research program this summer. My profile as entrepreneur and most of my career feels at odds with the kind of work I’ve done more of, lately. I laughed. I felt like this would be a great opportunity to learn, to finally be in rooms where I feel like I don’t know anything and I’m clearly not the smartest, and just the kind of learning and unlearning that’s happening.
The decisions I make now reflect my reality and who I am now. Titles, prestige, vanity has had its place in my life. But my priorities have evolved over the years.
Time, the great revealer
Time has played an important role in this evolution. Over the years I’ve realized there’s no point in holding on to things that don’t serve you. Things that aren’t true for you anymore. I recall trying so desperately to hold on to the identity I used to have, but failing with every attempt. It became harder to mask, as I started diverging from the entrepreneurial path I had mapped out as my one and only years and years ago. Freedom, space, time, peace, pain, liberty, finances, surroundings, your inner circle, and growth. They’re all intertwined, and they all play a role in shaping and reshaping. I know some ages are supposed to be a constant, but I’ve almost felt like an early life crisis as I switched careers and industries.
Fluidity and change
My takeaway through it all is the fluidity of life — everything changes. Nothing is constant. It’s inevitable.Our situations, careers, trajectories, our health, state of being, wants and desires, even the deepest points of joy and pain: the state of everything can and does change.
You shed layers of your identity, and you step into your new costume. You learn new protocols, your framing of everything and your perspective. It can change with time, even if you ever imagined it would, in your wildest dreams. So be fluid. Be open to the pull, if you feel a tug. This is water, my friend.
*name changed to protect identity.