I am so marvelously happy after a day of splendid work calls. Splendid because I got results, got good feedback, and each call had folks who valued my opinion. And, treated me with respect and mutual admiration as an equal. It’s so strange. I shouldn’t tie my self-worth to other peoples’ opinions, I know. I know. But, I feel so deeply delighted, knowing that I’m not a figment of my own imagination. That I’m real, and I matter. What a strange thought to think too isn’t it? But, God damn. I am proud of myself and the person I’ve become.
Humility has its perks.
Such as you don’t need to prove anything, and you can be entertained watching other people have a pissing contest of egos. You don’t have to elaborate on why you’re not doing this or that. You’re vague in ways, and deeply comfortable in your own skin.
The evolution of my priorities
I had a very interesting call today, where Sam* asked me what drew me to the Summer of Protocols research program this summer. My profile as entrepreneur and most of my career feels at odds with the kind of work I’ve done more of, lately. I laughed. I felt like this would be a great opportunity to learn, to finally be in rooms where I feel like I don’t know anything and I’m clearly not the smartest, and just the kind of learning and unlearning that’s happening.
The decisions I make now reflect my reality and who I am now. Titles, prestige, vanity has had its place in my life. But my priorities have evolved over the years.
Time, the great revealer
Time has played an important role in this evolution. Over the years I’ve realized there’s no point in holding on to things that don’t serve you. Things that aren’t true for you anymore. I recall trying so desperately to hold on to the identity I used to have, but failing with every attempt. It became harder to mask, as I started diverging from the entrepreneurial path I had mapped out as my one and only years and years ago. Freedom, space, time, peace, pain, liberty, finances, surroundings, your inner circle, and growth. They’re all intertwined, and they all play a role in shaping and reshaping. I know some ages are supposed to be a constant, but I’ve almost felt like an early life crisis as I switched careers and industries.
Fluidity and change
My takeaway through it all is the fluidity of life — everything changes. Nothing is constant. It’s inevitable.Our situations, careers, trajectories, our health, state of being, wants and desires, even the deepest points of joy and pain: the state of everything can and does change.
You shed layers of your identity, and you step into your new costume. You learn new protocols, your framing of everything and your perspective. It can change with time, even if you ever imagined it would, in your wildest dreams. So be fluid. Be open to the pull, if you feel a tug. This is water, my friend.
Photo description: I took this during a workout sesh. I was on a work trip to Bogota here, and this was the start of my fitness journey. Work trip or not, the workout continues.
Today is a joyful day. Rega Jha just announced her small scenes season 3. For those of you who don’t know — Rega started Buzzfeed India. She’s been an internet person in her early years, and she’s one of my all-time favorite writers. Her series, small scenes, are a series of essays poignant, intimate, and to me, the epitome of life and joy and all things majestic in the world.
As I subscribed sheer seconds after reading her announcement email, I’m also recalling where my life was a year from now. I was regularly going to therapy (God knows I needed it), I had a lot of big life changes going on - professionally, personally. And, most of all, it felt like a new path was emerging for me. An unfamiliar, new path. A journey awaited me. That’s what it feels like. Mashal from 2022, to the Mashal today, despite a year feels like me from two very different worlds. Not just because of my struggles, but because of my wins.
Man, I’ve grown up so much in this past year and a half. I won’t say I’m wiser, because every time I say that, life has a tendency to humble me as if its asking: “were you saying something?”
Speaking of habits, I feel almost obliged to say, there’s two habits I’m extremely grateful for. Working out, and gratitude.
Working out, because I made a commitment to get serious about my health somewhere around this time, last year. Before that, I spent a good chunk of my life with some ups but mostly downs when it came to my health. From ICU to wrist numbing almost-permanent nerve damage — I’ve experienced a wide spectrum of bad health and physical pain.
And, I don’t mean to share this in any way proudly — if anything, it’s sad and horrible, because most health conditions are curable if proactively treated vs. retroactively when they get extreme, which is when most Desi households decide to take their health seriously and finally take their butts to the doctor. But, I digress. So anyway, yes, last year I made a commitment to take my health seriously. I got a trainer, and I started working out regularly towards end of the year. It’s been 8 months of working out 3 times a week.
In these 8 months, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. When I had started working out, gyms would intimidate me, and I felt SO self-conscious every time I stepped into one. Today, I’m proud to be at a point where I can even plan my workouts by myself. Of course, I choose not to because it feels inefficient, and I don’t have bandwidth for that.
But, having an expert and a system of accountability through her, was one of my best health decisions. I’ve set a more aggressive target now, of losing a significant amount of weight by December. To prep for this, I’ve set myself up from a tech POV. I use Chatgpt’s assistance for some aspects of my meal planning, I’m using a macros AI app for macro/food tracking, and this Eufy pro scale that makes weight specifics and body fat % metrics easy to track and trend. All this to say, I’m ready and have a plan of attack. I’ll report back periodically, but since I got back from Saudi I’ve also lost 2 kgs in the last 1.5 week. I’m very pleased with these results.
Now, for my habit of gratitude. No matter how tumultuous my life becomes, or how uneven and scary the curveballs get, I take it all with stride. And, I have begun reflecting on this ayat:
“So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease.” (Quran 94:5-6, Surah Ash-Sharh)
In the context that ease doesn’t come after hardship, it comes with it. I think it was a Mufti Menk Tiktok that came up on my feed, and had me reflecting hard on this. Sometimes, as we’re getting through whatever form of hell and hardship we got going in our lives (cause let’s face it, so many of us are fighting battles others have no idea about), it might help to think about what form of goodness and ease is entering our life. Maybe we’re just not realizing it?
Maybe the perception of some solid form of what’s good and when a “good time” starts is more a romanticized notion rather than realistic? Ever since my framing on hardships has changed, I’ve started feeling way more gratitude for everything I have, I am, and that I’m experiencing. This is a habit that has me counting my blessings and knowing there are countless more I’m likely not even remembering.
Life on steady mode makes us forget our blessings until there’s a hiccup. My sister once jokingly pointed out how she didn’t realize a blessing she had till that point was X. And I’m being vague because it was pretty personal, but it had me really think about it’s not until things get really bad that most of us feel grateful for past “easier” times.
This wasn’t meant to sound like a gratitude rote, but I do from the bottom of my heart hope as you read this, you find fulfillment, gratitude, and most of all, ease in your life and in your heart regardless of what you’re going through.
xx
Mashal
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On writing a novel and my dream of becoming an international best-selling author
I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit. Been saying "yes" instead of "no"
I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though
I hit the ground running each night I hit the Sunday matinée You know the greatest films of all time were never made
We’re going to start off with Taylor Swift because she is in fact one of the greatest artists of our generation. And, because Midnights, besides being one of her best albums, is one I’ve had on repeat, as I catch glimpses of the eras tour (and pray I get to watch it IRL as I also apologize to God for praying for a concert).
I recommend you play Midnights as you read this piece, or listen to folklore. Buckle up, because this is a longer piece. I’m using Chatgpt as an editor, and it thinks I should shorten up my piece or readers will lose attention. I’ve decided to ignore the advice and preface with letting you know this is a longer piece. And, you can enjoy my writing with a hot cup of coffee/tea/or whatever beverage you feel like. Make time for yourself, and for reading. No tldrs here.
I’ve been meaning to write for a while. In fact, I’ve thought about it so many times I’ve lost count. I’d think up ideas, and updates with an internal monologue that would shut them down.
What makes a good piece? What makes a good piece worth reading about?
The thought of writing something I’d have to market felt ingenuine, but that is the reality of the world we live in. You have to be marketable. As a writer, you market your words, in the hopes that people will read them. But, I don’t feel like it. And, now that I’ve limited my socials use (save for work), I feel no want of sharing out of my little bubble (that you’re now a part of).
When I took a break from Instagram, it was because I was done. Watching stories, consuming content that was making me feel like I wasn’t doing enough, being enough. Despite having been so good with boundaries on socials, I was mostly annoyed at first. How and why was I feeling inadequate? I wanted to explore what was making me feel so. It felt like a strange new feeling. It’s not one I’ve had in a while, because everything has always felt enough. I’m grateful, happy, at peace. I’ve worked so hard to feel at peace with everything in my life. But, when it started feeling forced, I knew there was a problem. So, I just decided to switch off — I didn’t want to be active. I was done. Tiktok was all “quiet luxury” and “how to look old money” garbage content which makes you feel like you need to buy all this shit you don’t need, and if it wasn’t that, it was “tap into your feminine energy” and “manifest aura” type stuff, and it’s like. Woah. I need a breather from all this content being shoved down my throat.
So I took a breather.
And here I am a little while later writing.
I fought a few mental constructs: what a good piece of writing is, how intimate is too intimate? how much can or should or do I want to share before it feels like it’s too much?
I started watching a fiction writing course by Brandon Sanderson, and in one lecture, he’s shared some invaluable writing advice. Like how I need to write for 4 hours, uninterrupted, to finish a novel in a year’s time (approx 100,000 words for a longer novel). If I write for 4 hours every week for 10 years, then my chances of becoming a professional writer are going to be higher. He also speaks about the importance of building writing habits, and how to do so regardless of your living situations. For e.g. he was literally laying bricks and working graveyard shifts, so he could think in that time and finish his novels. And yes a low-income job that allows you to write is still a luxury and privilege in itself. I haven’t sat and written for 4 years in a while. Hell, I don’t even block out 2 hour slots in my cal for writing. So, something has to give.
Why this is relevant? Because I’ve wanted to be an international best-selling author since I was a kid. You can ask my high school Academic Director from Year 10— this was my answer at my farewell event too. And it may seem ironic, given that I’ve been an entrepreneur, founder and operator a few times now. But, my first love was and always will be writing.
So back to the novel writing part of things, I had a dream when I was 15, and I decided to write it out. It ended up becoming a trilogy, a YA fantasy fiction trilogy idea. I wrote the first 14-15 chapters more than a decade ago. Two years ago, I’d applied for a writing fellowship program, and felt like I could revive the idea and get back to it. I think it’s the most excited I’d been about anything in a long time. And for some time it felt like my entire purpose on life was to finish this series that had been sitting in my head for so long. But, I didn’t really commit to a good application and my unseriousness got the better of me.
Now, fast forward to two years later.
I got invited to a world building workshop in Abu Dhabi by Alwyn Hamilton, the author of Rebel of the Sands series. The email, and its timing felt divine— it spoke to me. So, I signed up, and decided to trek to Abu Dhabi and attend this workshop.
Three great things came out of this workshop
I got to write a full fledged chapter beginning, and got the basic structure for building a world in the entirety of the workshop. I’d say this was easily one of my best decisions of this year, and ever.
I ran into an acquaintance and in catching up, we decided to meet for an accountability writing session. She’s working on a novel too, so this worked out fabulously.
I came to the realization that I might need an in-person structured novel writing program to finish my book. Now, all these are great realizations, but you’ve also got to realize I’m an entrepreneur, and I do have day (or night work thanks to multiple timezones) so my schedule and work schedules shift up depending on the week. Add in personal life (and shit I have no intention of writing about), a fierce commitment to fitness (which I’ll write more about another time), and travels (that often seem to disrupt my flow just when I get into one) — enrolling in a program and writing feels a bit more complicated than I’d like.
I started researching the best novel writing programs, and one in particular, the Gotham Writers Workshop caught my eye — it was one that the fellowship program I’d applied to, had been inspired by/worked in conjunction with as well. So, I started searching for programs that would fit my bill. I found a few great ones next month, and the month after. It’s not the most ideal of timings for me, but I figure, if it means so much to me, I will commit to seeing this through.
The conundrum of all this is how I stumbled onto Brandon Sanderson’s program, which he has angelically uploaded online — all of it —- for free, on Youtube. Thank God for glorious internet and good Samaritans in the world. So here’s the deal — I’m going to stick to writing accountability, and watch this program.
And, if I’ve made progress, I’ll consider the IRL one. Dangling a carrot in front of my own damn self damnit. When you want shit to work, you do what you got to do. Amirite?
So to sum up:
If you want to write seriously, write seriously. That means committing to 4 hours a day. Less hours will mean it takes you longer to finish a novel. Being serious and committed does take discipline and habit building.
You’ve got to figure out what format you thrive in. For me, that’s a structured in-person program format. For others, it could be variations of this. Figure yourself out.
Make time for what’s important. If you want to, you will.
Take social media breaks every now and then. They do wonders for your mind.
And before I end this note, thank you to all you lovely people who reached out and have messaged me asking how I am, and why I haven’t shared/written anything. It meant the world to me, at a time when there was absolute chaos and waterfall in my head. Your messages reminded me of how my words are read, and they matter (even though in the grand scheme of things what even matters, or what doesn’t matter, but let’s not end this on a morbid existential note).
If you feel low, I highly recommend watching bunny and cat videos, and this page is one of my favorites. Nature is Amazing.
You know, lately some friends have been telling me they're having a tough time finishing the books they're reading. A lot of them kinda feel like it's their fault. And sure, sometimes maybe they are the problem — queue to playing *it’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me*— but other times, maybe what you need is just an easy read. Some books are like a warm hug, you know? They’re easier to read, they’re more comforting too. But other books, they’re just plain hard work. And sometimes, it’s all about the timing — some books are easier to read when the timing is right, and you’re *meant* to read them.
Sometimes it takes me months to read a book, and sometimes I finish two books in a few days. Last week was one of those weeks. I finished the Pathless Path, by Paul Millerd and Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. The Pathless Path deserves its own post, so today we’re going to talk about Morrie.
The first time I heard about Tuesdays with Morrie was over a decade and a half ago. My best friend Reemaz, in Saudi, told me how she read this one, and Five People You Meet in Heaven — and how I should read them too. I’d mentally made a note, but as with some things, it slipped away.
Then, two years ago, a friend I’d been working on a project with recommended our whole team read it. Again, I made a note, and even looked for the book. I think I was traveling at the time, but maybe I wasn’t. I can’t quite remember. You can have all the recommendations in the world, but when the time’s not right, it’s not right.
I don’t remember when, but I remember walking into Kinokuniya, one of my favorite places in the world, last year. Kinokuniya always evokes joy. It’s my happy place. I got this book as a present for myself, along with a few other reads. I was ecstatic. And, while I’ve glanced at Tuesdays with Morrie and thought about reading it many times (and even picked it up once), I never actually got around to reading it.
You see, I have this habit of picking up books I want to read and keeping them for future reading. I’m very fond of my personal book collection, at home, and so whenever I want to read something, I simply walk up to my book shelves and browse my own collection. It always feels like a treat. This effort has taken years of effort. It’s something I’m so grateful for. Books are my happy place, so to have this safe, happy haven at home is important to me.
Back to reading this book, I started reading it after seeing a tweet that had an excerpt from it. I’ve lately been following my intuition with my interests and routine, and so I was intuitively guided to pick this book up and read it. I can’t believe it took me this long to read it. I love it so much. Gosh, I finished it in one reading. Couldn’t put it down (not even in the midst of baking and what not). Maybe it’s the phase of life I’m in, maybe it’s my heart and spirit, or maybe its the gentle, loving way Morrie and Mitch connect— Morrie’s wisdom came to me just when I needed it. There are so many bits I love, and cherish about this book. Hell, I’ve got 17 sticky notes, to bits of the book I’ve enjoyed!
If I wanted to share all the bits I loved, I’d practically re-share the whole book here. Please do read it, it’s an easy, short read. But it’s one of those, that changes you. You finish reading it and it feels like the world’s going on, but everything has changed. Because you’ve changed. I’m left with so many thoughts as I’ve returned it back to its shelf. On dying, on softness, on strength, on giving, on love, on friendships and what matters, on being alert and responsive to the things that interest us, on compassion, on being kind to yourself, and most importantly on living. Giving is living.
To live each day, asking ourselves will we die today? And, to be comfortable with the fact, that we can. To love freely, and to give freely. That we’ll be remembered by the love we give. That we live past our death, when we’re remembered, and through the love we gave in our lifetime. That chasing material growth and wins is a road to unhappiness. To say the words and show the affection we’re holding back. To forgive ourselves, and others. But most importantly ourselves. That death need not be morbid, and that your spirit can be alive and strong, even if your body isn’t. And the one sentence that I keep thinking about. Giving is living. Giving is living. Giving is living.
—
How fitting that I’d written this last week, but I’m publishing on a Tuesday.
We’re Tuesday people.
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Why are we struggling to retain interest in communities?
This is a piece I wrote about community building on Mirror. It's a bit different from my usual posts, but I'd love to consolidate my publishing and share more of my work. Thought y'all would enjoy it.
Let me know what you think! :)
Why are we struggling to retain interest in communities?
It’s a simple question, and I started thinking more deeply about it after a conversation with my accountability partner in the Bankless Academy program. We were talking about our first pieces in week 1, and what we’d be writing about, and the conversation ventured to communities.
Why are communities struggling to retain interest and community members?
I’ve seen numerous examples over the last few years. You don’t have to be in web3 to understand or be part of a community. An issue I’ve seen community builders struggle with, and more so now than before - as we venture into the attention economy - is retaining interest and commitment from existing community members.
I’ve spent close to a decade focusing on what makes people connect, and community building, so I do have a few theories.
Disclaimer: I only know what I know until I know it, and so there may be unlearning, learning, and evolving of these ideas and insights by the time you’re reading.
So let’s start with the first and most obvious question - why do people lose interest in the communities they’re a part of, over time?
Attention and action. Or lack thereof.
It’s pretty simple - we’re living in a time where everyone, everywhere is competing for our attention, to spark interest. Literally every platform online is begging for your attention and designed to maximize your time spent on it. Tiktok being the best case in point. And, if you’ve been in this space long enough, you’re likely overwhelmed by the amount of information you have to constantly stay on top of, and it’s only natural to be overwhelmed by the X number of communities you’re a part of, as a byproduct.
So if there aren’t active efforts by community builders that require the attention of the community members, their interest will wane.
It’s straightforward really. It’s why building rituals and habits, and building behaviors that are specific to the community you’re building are important from the get-go. Otherwise you become one of many communities that are forgotten, and ignored.
There’s activity, but no community buy-in.
This is one I’ve experienced in one of the DAOs I was a part of too. I’d contributed to this DAO a while back, and still held tokens to the community. I naturally considered myself a part of their community, albeit more passively. They recently had a token launch where they had an allow list (AL) for the communities they had partnered with, but not for their actual community members. I get the revenue aspect, where building perks and pipelines and ALs help with more sales and what not, but as a community member, I felt pretty ignored. Worse, I felt excluded. I was able to get the perks because I was already a member of the partner communities, but it definitely had me feeling strange about the whole experience. I had conversations with other members who had similar emotions, and it made realize how important community buy-in is.
Sometimes, as community builders, we’re so focused on the growth roadmap, increasing metrics, and outward-facing plans, we forget the value and importance of the actual community- the people who’re already in them.
I’ll use an age-old analogy about sales here - it takes 20% effort to earn 80% more from the same repeat customer vs. 80% more effort and cost to acquire a new one. Not saying there’s a right or wrong way, because different approaches for different communities. But, if you’re trying to build something worth while, it’s absolutely crucial to involve the community, and share what you’re building. Get their buy-in - it’ll amplify the support you’ll have, grow the launch success metrics, and most importantly, it’ll build on the trust factor you’ve built with the community.
Launches are often opportunities for building on trust, or the breaking of it. And inaction leads to the latter, as a result anyway.
Community members don’t feel valued
One of the most important parts of building a community, and keeping it thriving is to recognize the active community members, and to incentivize them to be more active.
What often happens is people initially are excited, and they engage way more, but as time passes their engagement levels drop. This usually goes hand in hand with interest dropping. This is because there aren’t enough “bring back” points to keep people hooked.
So how do we engage community members?
Gamify and incentivize participation
If you want folks coming back, find ways to immediately incentivize the behavior.
One way of doing this is through gamifying the experience and adding perks and rewards for more activity. This doesn’t have to be financial. In fact, a great way to do this is to have public mentions and a visible leaderboard.
An excellent example of this is the Bankless Academy leaderboard in their program - folks move up the leaderboard based on their activity in the program. I love how they incentivized more action by writers in the program: publishing a post, sharing it on the published posts channel, sharing the post on social media, and giving feedback to others’ posts. Each of these actions leads to moving up the leaderboard. And while they all do build into a traction flywheel, yes, they also create this cycle of growth and and better incentives to participate more.
Another example of incentivizing more activity is through “tipping” or a recognition system. I’ve seen some communities use tokens to “thank” or tip people and to show appreciation. 0xfrens, a web3 community platform, recently shipped a “Kudos” feature where members of their partnered communities can thank people and show appreciation by by sending them Kudos. They took it a step further by adding the option to add a personalized note along with sending a small number of MATIC gifted to the recipient. 0xfrens is a platform-specific example but you can build a ritual manually and build a habit of tagging and appreciating people too. Of course, this is an active effort, and will need active community members to keep this on-going over extended periods of time. Lead by example and action.
Recognize your original community
Every community has their OGs, the original group of people who believed in the idea or project, early on. These are the folks who’ve actively engaged and spent in the community, and maybe even continue to do so today. You want to recognize them, and make them feel valued. This is one I see folks often get wrong, where they don’t give as much importance to older members, in favor of newer ones. Not to say new members aren’t important, but the strength of a community is partly dependent on older members. Make sure you actively focus on them, and make them feel valued. This can be as simple as checking in and asking how they’re doing.
Building a strong community is a long-term play. If you’re looking to build a quick hype train, then this piece isn’t for you. But, if you want to build a lasting, strong community, then it is time-consuming and takes effort and resources. Bear this in mind as you go into it. It’s also why this isn’t a one-person job or responsibility. Your goal should be to build many community leaders in the community, who can carry the community forward, over time.
I’ll cover more in later pieces, but if you’ve got thoughts around community retention, reach out on Twitter. I’m @arlery.