Photo description: I took this during a workout sesh. I was on a work trip to Bogota here, and this was the start of my fitness journey. Work trip or not, the workout continues.
Today is a joyful day. Rega Jha just announced her small scenes season 3. For those of you who don’t know — Rega started Buzzfeed India. She’s been an internet person in her early years, and she’s one of my all-time favorite writers. Her series, small scenes, are a series of essays poignant, intimate, and to me, the epitome of life and joy and all things majestic in the world.
As I subscribed sheer seconds after reading her announcement email, I’m also recalling where my life was a year from now. I was regularly going to therapy (God knows I needed it), I had a lot of big life changes going on - professionally, personally. And, most of all, it felt like a new path was emerging for me. An unfamiliar, new path. A journey awaited me. That’s what it feels like. Mashal from 2022, to the Mashal today, despite a year feels like me from two very different worlds. Not just because of my struggles, but because of my wins.
Man, I’ve grown up so much in this past year and a half. I won’t say I’m wiser, because every time I say that, life has a tendency to humble me as if its asking: “were you saying something?”
Speaking of habits, I feel almost obliged to say, there’s two habits I’m extremely grateful for. Working out, and gratitude.
Working out, because I made a commitment to get serious about my health somewhere around this time, last year. Before that, I spent a good chunk of my life with some ups but mostly downs when it came to my health. From ICU to wrist numbing almost-permanent nerve damage — I’ve experienced a wide spectrum of bad health and physical pain.
And, I don’t mean to share this in any way proudly — if anything, it’s sad and horrible, because most health conditions are curable if proactively treated vs. retroactively when they get extreme, which is when most Desi households decide to take their health seriously and finally take their butts to the doctor. But, I digress. So anyway, yes, last year I made a commitment to take my health seriously. I got a trainer, and I started working out regularly towards end of the year. It’s been 8 months of working out 3 times a week.
In these 8 months, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. When I had started working out, gyms would intimidate me, and I felt SO self-conscious every time I stepped into one. Today, I’m proud to be at a point where I can even plan my workouts by myself. Of course, I choose not to because it feels inefficient, and I don’t have bandwidth for that.
But, having an expert and a system of accountability through her, was one of my best health decisions. I’ve set a more aggressive target now, of losing a significant amount of weight by December. To prep for this, I’ve set myself up from a tech POV. I use Chatgpt’s assistance for some aspects of my meal planning, I’m using a macros AI app for macro/food tracking, and this Eufy pro scale that makes weight specifics and body fat % metrics easy to track and trend. All this to say, I’m ready and have a plan of attack. I’ll report back periodically, but since I got back from Saudi I’ve also lost 2 kgs in the last 1.5 week. I’m very pleased with these results.
Now, for my habit of gratitude. No matter how tumultuous my life becomes, or how uneven and scary the curveballs get, I take it all with stride. And, I have begun reflecting on this ayat:
“So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease.”
(Quran 94:5-6, Surah Ash-Sharh)
In the context that ease doesn’t come after hardship, it comes with it. I think it was a Mufti Menk Tiktok that came up on my feed, and had me reflecting hard on this. Sometimes, as we’re getting through whatever form of hell and hardship we got going in our lives (cause let’s face it, so many of us are fighting battles others have no idea about), it might help to think about what form of goodness and ease is entering our life. Maybe we’re just not realizing it?
Maybe the perception of some solid form of what’s good and when a “good time” starts is more a romanticized notion rather than realistic? Ever since my framing on hardships has changed, I’ve started feeling way more gratitude for everything I have, I am, and that I’m experiencing. This is a habit that has me counting my blessings and knowing there are countless more I’m likely not even remembering.
Life on steady mode makes us forget our blessings until there’s a hiccup. My sister once jokingly pointed out how she didn’t realize a blessing she had till that point was X. And I’m being vague because it was pretty personal, but it had me really think about it’s not until things get really bad that most of us feel grateful for past “easier” times.
This wasn’t meant to sound like a gratitude rote, but I do from the bottom of my heart hope as you read this, you find fulfillment, gratitude, and most of all, ease in your life and in your heart regardless of what you’re going through.
xx
Mashal