What to do when you feel overwhelmed
Why I haven't written as much in the last few weeks and what's worked for me
Image description: a blue teacup on a wooden table, and an empty cafe with tables and chairs blurred in the background.
I’ve been overwhelmed. And I’ve been feeling this way, overwhelmingly, for a while now. I’m not sure when it started, but I’ve had this uneasy transition back into a fast-paced, ever-changing routine ever so subtly. Before I knew it, unknowingly I’d throttled myself back to a new routine. Not a 24/7 packed routine, but a new routine. New being the key word. A month in (poetic ode, given that it’s going to close to a month or maybe a little over since my last post) it’s hit me at 30 minutes past midnight why I’ve been so overwhelmed. So, of course now I’m sitting in a cafe writing about it.
If you want to skip right to the part where I share ways to not feel overwhelmed, you can skip right to the bottom.
I have a hot cup of water beside my laptop and the right amount of light and chair-to-table-to-arms ratio. The reason why this is significant is because I’m often on the hunt for the perfect setting - where I’ll have enough space to work, enough quiet to focus, and the right ratio for my arms to be at a 90 degree angle. The arms thing is difficult to write down, but long story short I have a condition where working at a wrong angle makes my hands go numb (and I wake up and sleep with numbing pain in them). It’s not as terrible as it sounds, but it is terrible because I keep forgetting and only realize after a few days of pain. Of course, there’s other things that trigger or make it better, but that’s for another day.
Going back to changes, we don’t quite realize the impact they can have. On everything. Even slight changes, like picking a better route to work that gives you 5 more minutes and wiggle room. Do you know the mental peace in knowing you’re not late, and you’ve got a few minutes to spare? The joy is infectious. Like the day couldn’t have a more perfect and put-together, ordered start. And it trickles into everything else that follows, you know?
Now, the opposite can also happen if you’re constantly 10 minutes late for whatever reason, and you’ve got to rush to a meeting you’re scrambling to be on time for. Not fun, and just an unnecessary, extra level of anxiousness that can make the start of the day overwhelming.
In my quest for peace and longing to get rid of overwhelm, as I started noticing the different changes, I started experimenting with different techniques to test if they’d improve the level and sense of overwhelm I was feeling. Some did, some didn’t. But, I think the root cause lay right in front of me. I kept trying things that were a form of “quick fixes” to the problems, not the root cause. More like immediate response vs. deep dive.
I recently started working with someone new in an attempt to ease up the amount of things I had to take care of/work on. And while they’re great, the amount of questions they’d ask me and the amount of decision making I had to do was leading me to decision fatigue. I’d started feeling drained and frankly annoyed at having to decide. Even though, the work was easing up my time, mentally I was feeling more of a burden. I felt tempted to do things myself because it seemed easier. Recognizing these thoughts made realize I was having decision fatigue. So, I simplified the process + tried to get the person to take more ownership and make decisions. My first learning here was it takes time to get into the flow of working with anyone, for the first time. So give yourself and the other person/people some room to ease into it. My second learning was having processes and spending more time organizing a flow saves you time later on. Week 2 was better, and week 3 was the best.
Week 4 was a bit of chaos again, as my life fell into another change again. My parents have flown in, and we’ll be spending time together. Naturally, I’m so so happy because I finally get to spend Eid with them. But, on the flip side, we’re a houseful with the entire fam at home, and so I’ve lost a big chunk of my alone time - both personal and work wise. Ever the optimist, I figured I’d be able to balance my work, personal, and family time. I didn’t account for Ramadan. Where, I was already easing into a different routine and so in retrospect, I was being ambitious.
2 weeks in, having hit sort of peak mental overwhelm, and 2 impending deadlines, I thought to myself - I need to step out. I need to find a place I can work from, and get this stuff done, and a place I can journal in. I’ve been having a funk when I tried to journal at home in the past 2 weeks. I was managing bits and pieces, but never uninterrupted journaling. So, even with my own writing I’d start, write, then leave. And when I’d resume, it was a different part of my day with no sort of continuation to the previous bit. Improper and incomplete. And, as I’m writing I’m realizing - (almost feels like a light bulb has lit up above my head!!) but I literally wrote about rituals and having a journaling ritual. The reason I’ve been struggling is because I lost my old journaling ritual and I didn’t form a new one. The irony of this sense making in real time isn’t lost on me. It’s important to finish things you start.
That’s why since I started this piece, because I finally found my groove, I’ve written as the mall closed and I left the cafe in it, to standing on the car park and typing away, to finishing this piece in a car on the road. You can imagine how my brain works at this point.
(PS, please do reply back and tell me if you do like my sharing/oversharing. Writing is a soul-baring thing, and it makes me feel so happy when people tell me they read my words!! )
Really effective ways to stop feeling overwhelmed
Set aside uninterrupted time for yourself in a different place or setting - this can be first thing in the morning, or it can be any time during the day, but flesh out time for you and for work. Keep a differentiation between the two, because it’s easy to have work time take over personal time, so just keep them separate if you can. This is where you get things done work wise, and have time to think/feel/process/be. Think of it like solo therapy lol. If you’re amongst a lot of people at home, it can be distracting to focus, and to just be. Let’s be real, families (esp desi fams) can be a chaotic mess, and as much as we love them, it can be difficult to have uninterrupted time. Find a cafe or a spot that works for you, and pick a solo activity that you know will make you feel better. Maybe it’s journaling, or reading, or writing or doomscrolling. Pick your thing, (or if you’re like me take a few options so you can choose when you get to the spot.
Do one thing that’s for you - call it autonomy, or realizing your own power. This one is from Visakan’s 100 decisions from Introspect. More often than not, there’s very little we get to control in life. But, we can control ourselves. Making a decision to do something for you (even better if it’s new and exciting), is a way of exercising autonomy and control (over your life). Maybe it’s a new tea flavor. Maybe it’s a different outfit. Maybe it’s a different author you’re reading. Maybe it’s a different walking route to the same spot. You decide what this thing is (it doesn’t have to be capital-intensive or costly). In fact, I strongly dislike and disagree with the notion of needing $$ for any form of peace. In whatever I recommend or suggest, I try my best to make sure it’s accessible and doable. Peace shouldn’t have a cost.
These two have really, really worked for me.
Quick fixes that help in the midst of the overwhelm
Deep breathing - I know I’ve mentioned it in the past, but having time to take deep breaths helps with anxiousness and just generally feeling calmer in the middle of mental storms.
Hot showers - these make me feel like time has slowed down, and I often equate it to how I imagine soul cleanses feel like.
List down everything you have to do - these seem to work for a lot of people, they work for me sometimes. Writing down what I need to do, and getting started with at least one of them. Often, getting started is the push I need to finish off most things on my to-do lists.
Playing the what’s the worst that can happen game - any time you feel super overwhelmed, think of the first big thing you’re stressed or overwhelmed by, and ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen if you mess up. Are you aiming for perfection or completion? Where’s the real stress coming from? Often, it’s not the end of the world. We’re all allowed to be human, and sometimes that means imperfections and messing up. Of course, I’m not saying make this a habit, but yeah assess your situation. Will this immediate thing impact the next 5 years of your life? If not, ease up. Let it go.
(Disclaimer: I don’t take responsibility for any decision you make using this. This isn’t personalized advice - assess your situation and your life before you implement this. Some decisions and things in life do deserve more time and on the rare occasion a bit more of concern).
2 am, and I’m out.
Peace, love, and good vibes xx